I’m trying to avoid the countdown, but I had to have the conversation with my spanish teacher that I only have a few lessons left. I can count on one hand the number of days we have left at Casa Shalom with our babies. I’m making lists of gifts and requests of things to bring home, booking flights, and etc.. Facing the reality of the countdown is inevitable. It’s all happening so fast and with each day, the thought of leaving this place only gets harder.
Two weeks are all the time I have left in this beautiful country.
I’m trying to find a balance of being in the moment, not checking out and soaking up all the things, while at the same time, preparing my heart for the goodbye. The see you later.
It’s funny, this life of coming and going, building community and then uprooting, moving from one home to another, it’s hard. It’s all over the place. It’s unpredictable. It’s not steady or consistent. But it is full, it’s adventurous, it’s good, it’s beautiful, and I love every part of it. I can see the faithfulness of God so clearly, and His character that is constant and unchanging has been highlighted. And I can’t even begin to explain to you the people who I have met, worked with, cared for, and lived with – there is a reason saying goodbye is hard.
I’m gonna be really honest with you for a minute. I don’t know what is coming next, and that also makes the goodbye hard, because I don’t know what I’m walking into next.
This terrified me.
I needed an answer.
I needed an answer that what I’ve been doing has all been for a reason, its had a purpose. I needed an answer to give to supporters, friends, family, and complete strangers. It seems irresponsible and careless to not know what is next. And I needed an answer so that I could fulfill the expectations I’ve put on myself on behalf of everyone who will ask the question “what’s next?” (even when that expectation may not even exist!)
Will they expect me to move to Guatemala long-term? What if I don’t? What if I end up in a completely different country that I’ve never even been to before? What if I end up stateside? Will they see this year of long-term missions training as a waste? Do they expect me to finish school, settle down, and get a “real job” now?
It was a mess in this head of mine, and I was driving myself crazy with thoughts of “what will they think?”
Once I took my eyes away from myself and turned them back to God, peace rushed in like a tidal wave and swept me up. Thank goodness.
There are things to be learned in this place of unknowns, a lot having to do with learning to walk in deeper levels of trust with the Lord. That “t” word, I can’t escape it. And I don’t want to, because I think that is the word that real, true, deep intimacy with the Father is found in.
Do I trust that He has a plan, and as I am taking steps to follow Him, it is unfolding right before my very eyes? Do I believe that He has given me passions and dreams that, though they seem all over the place and don’t really make a whole lot of sense right now, they are very intentional and purposeful?
And really it boils right down to, do I really trust and believe with all of my being, that God has good things for me? Things that are immeasurably more than anything I could ever dream of on my own?
We read about Jesus asking the disciples to follow Him. He doesn’t lay out the master plan for them, He doesn’t share the vision or the purpose. They don’t have a time frame or have any idea what they will be asked to do. He just simply says, “Follow me” and they drop everything to follow Him. Because they know who He is and they trust Him.
And Jesus says to me, “Follow me, my beloved” and so I drop everything, and I follow Him. Because I know who He is and I trust Him completely.
Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. Proverbs 16:3
No, I don’t have answers or a set plan, but I do have more possibilities than I even know what to do with, and a very large amount of faith and trust that the Lord has a mastermind plan with every single detail accounted for.
So I confidently give Him my yes, and I say “Here I am, Lord. Send me.”
I will be in Chanute for a time nannying for the kiddos that I love (I was their nanny before I left to go on the World Race) as well as being home for my brother and a dear friend of mine’s wedding and festivities. I’d love to meet up with whoever I can, to spend time with you and catch up on life! If you’d like to set something up, shoot me an email! kcdeccles@gmail.com
even so, it is well. 
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