I am a pretty independent person and am not always the best at asking for help. For example, when I was in college, from time to time, my parents would offer to buy me some groceries, AND I WOULD SAY NO. Because I had this desperate need to prove that I could buy my own groceries, and provide for myself. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can be so stubborn! I’ve come along way since then, and since I began fostering, I have kind of been forced to do it, the whole ask for help thing.

But lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to see how I do that to HIM. I say to God Almighty, King Jesus, the Creator of the Universe, “I’m fine, I’ve totally got this. I can do this. Everything is fine. I’ve got it under control.” It sounds so silly when I say it out loud, but it’s real.

Well, reality is, I get tired real fast. God, being full of grace and mercy, is always there to lift me up and help me get back on my feet, because that’s just who He is. But He recently convicted me that when I am trying to do this thing on my own, apart from Him, not only does it affect me, but the child in my home, because they are not receiving the fullness of the love of Jesus. Obviously, there are bounds of grace and Jesus is still doing a good work, but the Lord calls us to abide in Him. And guess what, we cannot abide in Him, but then also live life apart from Him.

We miss out on the fullness of God, and it affects our ability to love well the people in our circle, whether it be your spouse, children, friends, co-workers, etc.. when we are living apart from Him. (And just to clarify – this does not mean I have walked away from the Lord or stopped believing in Him or anything like that. It means I believe in Him, I talk to Him all the time, yet I still have some control issues in really, truly surrendering all my life to him!)

I’ve been trying to get to the root of why I feel the need to do things on my own. I think it’s a control thing, as well as a need to prove myself, so I’m working through that with the Lord. Here’s the thing though, I am capable of doing good things. I can be a good decent human being, and I can love people well. But when I’m not abiding in Love, I’m loving from my own limits. The love I have to offer versus the love of Jesus, they are not even comparable. Not even close.

I need the love of Jesus, every single day. And my prayer is to be a vessel of His love. And I have a little human in my care who needs the healing, transforming, renewing love of Jesus. Not the love of Kaci Eccles. And that was my wake up call that I really needed to hear.

So then begged the question, how do I do that? My natural tendency is NOT to respond to my desperate need for Jesus (that we all have…we were literally made to need Him and to live with Him and for Him), but rather to do it in my own strength.

John 15 has a lot to say about abiding. Specifically though, John 15:4 says, “Remain in me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me.”

Jesus spoke these words y’all, and He was pretty blunt and straight forward about it.

So as I prayed about it, the thing I felt the Lord putting on my heart, was scripture memorization. And let me tell you, it has been a game changer. It helps keep my thoughts and focus on Him. It challenges me, my thoughts, my perspective, and how I operate.

Deuteronomy 11:18 says to “Imprint these words of mine on your hearts and minds, bind them as a sign on your hands, and let them be a symbol on your foreheads.”

I can live a good, decent life, and do good and decent things and have selfish gain. But that’s not the kind of life I’m striving to live. I want to live a life that bears much fruit, the eternal kind of fruit. I want to love and be loved by my Jesus, and experience all the fullness of God. And I want THAT love to be the love that overflows from my heart, my words, my actions. I want the loving, nurturing, transforming, healing, renewing love of Jesus to be the love that all my kiddos receive and know. And I want all the glory and all the honor to be God’s.

King Jesus, may there be less of me and more of you.

{I challenge you to get with Jesus and ask what it might look like for you. In what areas of life are you struggling to let go of? Are you abiding in Jesus? In what ways can you draw nearer to Jesus? Practically speaking, I have challenged myself to memorize 10 verses per month. If you’d like to join this challenge, whether it be 10 verses or 1 verse per month, LET ME KNOW. Or even if you just want to be in the Word every day. I’d love to be accountability for you. I have an app that I’ve been using for scripture memorization that has been helpful. And if you know of any good apps you’ve used, I’d love to hear about it! Comment below or reach out to me. Let’s do this, friends! Let’s draw nearer to Him, knowing full well that He will draw nearer to us when we take those steps.}

Much love,

Kaci